Tag: Santi
On the topic of Lying
lie
3 of 4 verb (2)
lied; lying ˈlī-iŋ
intransitive verb1 : to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lie
She was lying when she said she didn’t break the vase.
He lied about his past experience.
2 : to create a false or misleading impression
Statistics sometimes lie.
The mirror never lies.
I’ve noticed that some song lyrics make it sound like I’m some kind of prolific liar. I’m really not. I speak the truth nearly always.
There have been occasions when I’ve lied, though. Most of the time, if I’m lying, it’s because someone is asking me if I have a cigarette, a dollar, etc. when I can’t financially afford to be generous.
Through experience, I have found that it is simply easier and safer to lie in those situations than to explain that I do have a cigarette, a dollar, etc., but that I can’t and/or won’t give them one. I have, at times, tried being honest in those situations, and it just never went well. At best, I ended up arguing at length about whether or not I could afford it or whether or not I should give it to them anyway because supposedly they were in greater need than I, etc. At worst, I was physically assaulted. It was not pleasant, to say the least.
Why do I smoke, anyway?? That’s a topic for another time. It will be explained later, though.
Now, I’m not trying to complain or stop people from asking me for something if they are in need, but because of the topic at hand, I thought this needed some explanation since the majority of occasions (99%+) in which I ever lied were in those kinds of situations. For the most part, these days, I don’t mind at all if people ask. I rarely take my cigarettes or cash out with me if I can’t spare some (I mostly use debit now). Also, I’ve gotten much better in the last several years at saying no when I need to. That is also a topic for another time, but I used to be extremely weak-willed when it came to saying no to people. I’m much, much better at it now and much more comfortable doing it.
So, what about the rest? It is infrequent that I lie otherwise, but it does happen once in a while and I regret it every time. I’m trying to do better!
Here is a recent experience, for example…
This first example is an event that happened a couple months ago. Technically, it wasn’t actually lying since I wasn’t trying to deceive anyone, and I’m pretty sure that I didn’t deceive anyone, but I’m including this example because of how I felt at the time (like I’d lied—very guilty and remorseful).
I went to a thrift store, found some sandals I liked, and got in line to pay for them. When I reached the register, I was asked if I was over 50 years old (for a senior discount). I said that I was. Why did I do that? It was sort of a knee-jerk reaction because, in many ways, I am effectively over 50, and in many ways, I feel over 50. I wasn’t trying to lie. The word yes just sort of came flying out of my mouth. I admit, I was a little excited about the discount too. That probably also played a part in my brief brain lapse. Anyhow, I felt horrible afterward. I really was very affected. It wasn’t until about a day later that I started to feel better when I put the sandals outside on the sidewalk for any passerby to have for free. Once I did that, it took me about another day or so to finally not feel horrible anymore.
This next example is from an event that occurred about a year and a half ago…
I had purchased a fairly big TV online (40 inches, I think) and had it delivered to my home. Later, while I was still within my return period for that TV, I saw that I could upgrade to a slightly larger one for just a little bit higher cost. So, I went ahead and ordered the bigger one with the plan of returning the 40″ TV via shipping.
I don’t remember why, but it turned out that I couldn’t ship the 40″ TV back to the seller. I needed to take it to a physical store location a few miles from home to return it. So, I carried that bulky TV to the nearest bus stop and rode on the bus with it. The task wasn’t the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it was quite a hassle. Anyhow, once I arrived at the store with it, I was horrified when the employees discovered that the operator’s manual was not in the box. I’d forgotten it at home (but I didn’t admit to that). I already knew that I couldn’t leave the TV there at the store while I returned home to retrieve the manual, so that meant that I would have to take the TV on two more walks and bus rides if I didn’t figure out something quick. What happened next is that I lied. I said that I had put everything that had come with the TV back into the box. The implication being that if the manual was not in there, then it was because it was missing from the box when I received it. I felt remorse and regret instantly. It lasted for days. When I say it lasted for days, what I mean is that it really affected me strongly. I spent those days feeling guilt and remorse for the entirety of them.
I still think about that sometimes, and when I do, I cringe. I do not like that I lied. If I could go back and do it over again, I’d just take that stupid TV back home with me, pick up the manual, and then return it.
There were a few whoppers (big lies) in the past too, but it’s been over a decade since that’s happened.
Here’s an example, which is the last one I can remember.
It was back in 2010 or 2011. My neighbor, whom I had not previously met, came to my door to politely ask me to please keep my subwoofer turned down at night because it was keeping him up. It was a reasonable request, and I agreed to keep it down. Before leaving, he asked what I did for a living. Well, at the time, I wasn’t working. I had plenty of money back then, and I was spending my days and nights seeking the truth about God and having all sorts of (mostly) verbal adventures and misadventures. Anyhow, when he asked, I instantly felt embarrassed at the idea of answering truthfully, so I lied. I said I was a professional poker player (ha ha!). So as it worked out, I caused myself greater embarrassment by lying. I took a lesson from that experience.
And then there’s this issue too. Sometimes I find myself in situations in which I have to say things that aren’t true, but I’m also not lying (the technically not lying thing again). For example, I might be trying to open a bank account, sign up for internet service, get medical services, etc., and they ask for information that I just can’t give accurate answers to, such as my date of birth, place of birth, etc., because the truth doesn’t match my largely inaccurate, supposed birth records, employment records, medical records, etc. That, and it would really be a tremendous hardship if I suddenly couldn’t qualify for the purchase of goods and services I need. I’m pretty sure that because I’m under 18 years old, I couldn’t even have a bank account without parental consent (currently, not possible). Anyhow, I just thought I’d mention this too, so hopefully people don’t think I’m trying to lie if I’m in a situation wherein I am providing that sort of information.
Here are some specific lyrics and some brief commentary from myself about them…
You keep on building the lies
Sarah McLachlan – Angel
That you make up for all that you lack
I don’t do that! I can’t say that I never ever did, but I didn’t do it much, and it was a very long time ago—over 10 years.
No one knows what it’s like
The Who – Behind Blue Eyes
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies
I believe this is a reference to something I was doing back around 2018. I wasn’t lying, though. What I was doing was more similar to spoken positive affirmations. What exactly was it? I’m sorry, but that story is going to have to wait until later (ugh).
Fully alive and she knows
Flyleaf – Fully Alive
How to believe in futures
I think this is another reference to the thing I was doing that was similar to positive affirmations.
Man, you wouldn’t believe
Fun. – Some Nights
The most amazing things
That can come from
Some terrible lie
I am pretty sure I know what this is a reference to. I can’t really say much about it though because it isn’t something I’m directly involved with. I’m not the person who supposedly lied, nor am I the one who was supposedly lied to. I do hope though, that this story will be shared eventually by those directly involved. It is the most beautiful example of which I’ve ever heard, other than the Crucifixion of Christ, of God letting something happen that seems very bad in order that something very, very, very good will happen later. I am literally moved to tears every time I think about it. I’m tearing up even now. God is good!
God bless you all!
Seeing things differently
Reflecting back on past events, I realize now that there were times, years ago, when people around me wondered if they and I were seeing different things in situations where we should have been seeing the same thing. The answer is yes; that happened a lot.
Back then, I did not know that was happening, but I do know now that there were thousands of instances of other people and I seeing/feeling/hearing/smelling events involving myself very differently from each other—maybe even tens of thousands of times. To be clear, I’m pretty sure it only happened in events involving me directly.
It was suggested to me that on one occasion, it seemed to someone that I was screaming at them to buy me a house. I’ve never done that to anyone, ever. I don’t have any idea what I was really doing at the time when it seemed to them that I was screaming at them because I don’t know when this seemed to them to be happening, but I do know for sure that I’ve never screamed at anyone to buy a house for me.
I do not think others and I are seeing things differently anymore. But if it does still happen, I’m certain it is very infrequent.
So, why was it happening? I’m sorry, but that answer is going to have to come later. Ugh…
For now though, I will go ahead and be the first to say to me, Welcome to reality, Santi!! You’re going to like it!!
God bless all of you!
Dentistry
I imagine most of you know that, in the past, I had the most atrociously yellowed teeth up until about a year ago. They were so very yellowed, it was amazing. My apologies to anyone and everyone who had the great displeasure of having to see them that way. You may wonder why they were so yellow. Well, it was mostly due to a bad start, lots of neglect, and ignorance.
So, how did I improve them so drastically? I started brushing them. I brushed them a lot. I still brush them a lot, and they are still improving. At first, I used a standard, non-electric toothbrush. Then later, about a year ago, I bought an electric sonic toothbrush, and it was when I started using that sonic toothbrush that the yellow started coming off fast. Throughout the process of improving the condition of my teeth, I did not use any chemical teeth-whitening products, laser treatments, etc. I did it with just brushing alone.
To be clear: I’m not claiming to have perfectly white teeth. I definitely do not have perfectly white teeth. But the difference from how they were previously to how they are now is potentially startling. It’s almost like night and day. They really were very, very yellow; maybe even better described as brown. Yuck!!
What motivated me to start taking better care of my teeth is the most interesting part of this, though. I immensely dislike saying this yet again. I really, really, really do. But a deeper explanation of that will have to wait until later. In the meantime, I will say this; God taught me some amazing things about our dental organs. He really did. I know it may sound more than a little ludacris and crazy when I say this, but I swear it is absolutely true. Believe it or not, our dental organs have a deeply and profoundly spiritual nature to them.
So, why do I keep doing that? I touch lightly upon subjects and then say that more info will have to come later (I dislike doing it sooooo much, ugh!!!!). It frustrates me hugely, and I imagine it frustrates others also. I am sincerely sorry for doing that, and I apologize for doing it over and over. Anyhow, the reason is almost always the same. That reason being, that the details would not make any sense yet or perhaps would even just sound like pure insanity without people hearing at least some of the relevant Playback content first.
As I write this, I am feeling a renewed motivation to take even better care of my teeth. So, I’m going to improve by flossing daily and setting an appointment to take care of some dental issues that have come up recently. One of those issues is that one of my crowns fell off and needs to be restored. The other is that lately I have begun to experience some abnormal sensitivity in one of my molars when drinking cold liquids. My cosmetic tooth issue (hugely jutted front tooth) will probably have to wait, though. I suspect that Earth-level dental science probably does not have a 100% non-destructive fix for that. However, I will consult a doctor (of Dental Science) about it as soon as possible.
God bless all of you!
🎵 Are you happy now? 🎵
Sometimes, as I’m waking up in the mornings, I hear helpful hints and suggestions in my head. This morning I heard a familiar song by Michelle Branch. The song was “Are you happy now?” The actual lyrics of the song include this…
Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you’re happy now, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
But what I heard was…
Could you tell it to the world?
Are you happy now?
So, here’s what I can say about that: Fortunately, I am not happy. — Yep, fortunately.
I am looking forward with great anticipation and excitement to the day when I can finally be a happy person. I do not know the exact consequence that occurs if I’m happy, but I do know there is potential for ill consequence and that it could possibly adversely affect everyone.
This is one of the things that Leader-Guy is working on. He’s doing very well and eventually I will be able to be happy without there being the potential for adverse consequence. (Yay!!). But for now, it is better if I remain unhappy.
I have a limited view of the work Leader-Guy is doing, and I also see some of his results. He is working almost all the time and making forward strides daily. He is doing a lot of good for everyone.
And of course, even if there weren’t any reason for me to intentionally remain unhappy, I could not really be happy anyway, not being so far and long separated from my sweetheart.
God bless all of you!
Not Self-Tricking!
Today, I would like to share some about my journey from agnosticism to eventual belief in God. I tend to think of myself as having had some pretty extreme agnostic views before I came to believe in God.
First off, for anyone who doesn’t know, to be agnostic is to neither believe in God, nor disbelieve in God.
I was agnostic from late 2006 to mid 2011. During that time, I believed that only God could convince me of his existence, but that he would never do that. I believed that if God ever did reveal himself to anyone, it was in the distant past and is not something he does anymore. I thought God’s expectation (if he were real) was that we believe in him without any solid evidence. I felt this to be entirely unfair and not something I could possibly do, even if I wanted to.
Furthermore, I thought that everyone who believed in God was “self-tricking”; that they were in fact believing in God without sufficient evidence. I’m not saying that I thought they were incorrect about the existence of God. I was, after all agnostic, not atheist (Atheist is to disbelieve in God). I just thought that they were somehow believing in God without any real evidence because they wanted to.
Anyhow, self-tricking is not what I’m doing. God made sure that I absolutely know that he is real and he is good.
In 2008, God began to reveal himself to me with great intention. God proceeded very slowly though and I didn’t even become suspicious that God might be revealing himself to me until early 2011. Once I became suspicious, I went on to waffle back and forth time and time again between agnosticism and belief for about six months. I spent the entirety of nearly every day during that time period cooped up in my house alone (or so I thought anyway. I didn’t know about David or Peace-Guys yet), trying, trying, trying to determine once-and-for-all the truth of the existence or non-existence of God.
During those six months, I cried out to God on many occasions, begging and pleading that he please be quick and please be clear with me if he were in fact revealing himself. Still God moved slowly.
Those six months were the most difficult of my life. I was in agony. I was suffering. My hours, days, weeks, months were wrought with intense emotional pain. I needed the pieces to fit together. I needed to know the truth. My need to know the truth grew and grew until It reached a fever pitch, and still God continued to move slowly.
Something I didn’t yet have was even an inkling of understanding about God’s unfathomably great wisdom. It seemed that God was taking a painfully long time to do something that he could just as easily and effectively do in an instant. It seemed as if God were torturing me without any good reason.
Of course, God wasn’t torturing me. What he was doing, was laying a very strong foundation to build upon later. Beginning all the way back in 2006, without me even knowing he was doing it, God was teaching me volumes about himself and a multitude of other spiritual topics.
As God continued laying that strong foundation, the evidence grew from a tiny molehill into a giant mountain and eventually there was enough that I came to know the truth: God is real and God is good.
Years later, I know that I am blessed that God revealed himself in the way he wanted to instead of how I wanted him to do it. It has yielded tremendous benefit for me. I’m not yet detailing the exact events of those six months, but I will later (it may be in the playback too).
God bless you all!
Quiet here
I imagine many people are aware that I now have a house-guest. I just thought it would be a good idea to let everyone know that there’s nothing unusual or exciting going on. It’s really very uninteresting around here. I hardly even know he’s here most of the time. We often go out together to eat, but other than that we mostly each do our own thing.
I know I mentioned an article I’m working on about my transition years ago from Agnostic to Theist. I will be finishing that and posting it eventually, but right now I’m having computer troubles, so it may be a while.
Finished two more books!
- Star Wars: Red Harvest by Joe Schreiber
- Star Trek: The Next generation: Encounter at Farpoint by David Gerrold
Currently reading: Contact by Carl Sagan
Santi Reads Books!
I have recently been working on an article which is about my experience several years ago when I transitioned from Agnostic to Theist. But, the article is not yet ready, so for now, here’s a list of most every book I’ve read in the past year and a half or so. I’ve only left out a few which I didn’t finish.
When I read, I do so out loud, mostly for the benefit of David, but Peace-Guys also enjoy some of the books. I know many of you are wondering about my unusual friends (none of whom are spiders). I promise, you will eventually have the opportunity to learn much about them. In the meantime, I will just say this about them; they are good, moral, intelligent, feeling, emotional beings whom I love immensely.
Anyhow, here’s the book list…
E:Read\ (16)
A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
A Christmas Story – Jean Shepherd
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland – Lewis Carrol
Armada – Ernest Cline
Chicken Soup for the Soul The Magic of Cats 101 Tales of Family, Friendship & Fun – Amy Newmark
Fight Club – Chuck Palahniuk
Forrest Gump – Winston Groom
GoodFellas – Nicholas Pileggi
Poker Brat Phil Hellmuth’s Autobiography – Phil Hellmuth
Ready Player One – Ernest Cline
Ready Player Two – Ernest Cline
The Cat in the Hat – Dr. Seuss
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
The Outsiders – S.E. Hinton
The Positronic Man – Isaac Asimov, Robert Silverberg
The Time Machine – H.G. Wells
E:Read\Beverly Cleary\ (9)
Henry and Ribsy
Henry and the Clubhouse
Henry and the Paper Route
Ralph S Mouse
Ramona the Pest
Ribsy
Runaway Ralph
Socks
The Mouse and the Motorcycle
E:Read\Jay Williams & Raymond Abrashkin\ (10)
Danny Dunn and the Universal Glue
Danny Dunn and Heat Ray
Danny Dunn and the Anti-Gravity Paint
Danny Dunn and the Automatic House
Danny Dunn and the Fossil Cave
Danny Dunn and the Homework Machine
Danny Dunn and the Weather Machine
Danny Dunn on a Desert Island
Danny Dunn, Invisible Boy
Danny Dunn, Time Traveler
E:Read\Dave Barry\ (5)
Best State Ever A Florida Man Defends His Homeland
Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up
Dave Barry Slept Here A Sort of History of the United States
Dave Barrys Greatest Hits
Lessons From Lucy The Simple Joys of an Old, Happy Dog
E:Read\Franklin W. Dixon\ (2)
Hardy Boys 01 The Tower Treasure
Hardy Boys 22 Trouble Island
E:Read\Star Trek\Discovery\ (8)
Star Trek Discovery Dead Endless – Dave Galanter
Star Trek Discovery Desperate Hours – David Mack
Star Trek Discovery Die Standing – John Jackson Miller
Star Trek Discovery Drastic Measures – Dayton Ward
Star Trek Discovery Fear Itself (3) – James Swallow
Star Trek Discovery The Enterprise War – John Jackson Miller
Star Trek Discovery Wonderlands – Una McCormack
The Way to the Stars – Una McCormack
E:Read\Star Trek\Enterprise\ (5)
Star Trek_ Enterprise – 001 – Broken Bow – Diane Carey & Rick Berman & Brannon Braga
Star Trek_ Enterprise – 002 – By the Book – Dean Wesley Smith & Kristine Kathryn Rusch
Star Trek_ Enterprise – 003 – Shockwave – Paul Ruditis
Star Trek_ Enterprise – 004 – What Price Honor – Dave Stern
Star Trek_ Enterprise – 005 – Surak’s Soul – J. M. Dillard
E:Read\Star Wars\1 – Before the Republic\ (2)
001 – The Adventures of Lanoree Brock, Je’daii Ranger – Tim Lebbon
002 – Dawn of the Jedi, Into the Void – Tim Lebbon
E:Read\Star Wars\2 – Old Galactic Republic Era\ (3)
003 – Lost Tribe of the Sith, The Collected Stories – John Jackson Miller
004 – The Old Republic, Revan – Drew Karpyshyn
005 – The Old Republic, Deceived – Paul S. Kemp
E:Read\Star Wars\3 – Rise of the Empire\ (3)
042 – Episode I The Phantom Menace – Terry Brooks
060 – Episode II Attack of the Clones – R.A. Salvatore
088 – Episode III Revenge of the Sith – Mathew Stover
E:Read\Star Wars\4 – Rebellion Era\ (3)
121 – Episode IV A New Hope – George Lucas
148 – Episode V The Empire Strikes Back – Donald F. Glut
153 – Episode VI Return of the Jedi – James Kahn
Even more of my favorites
Here is a selection of a few of my favorite spiritual songs. All of these songs were of great help to me during my agnostic/new-believer phase of my experience with God back in 2010-2012. If you would like to listen to any of them, just click the pictures to view the music videos on YouTube.
Most of these songs have some of what I call “LJ content”, which I would describe as content that supposes or suggests that Jesus is God. As I wrote in a previous article, my belief in God is strictly monotheistic. I do not believe that Jesus is God. I LOVE these songs though. They are beautiful and spiritual. When I hear something in them that is contrary to my belief, I am inspired to think more deeply into spiritual topics time and time again. Personally, I find the experience to be very healthy and stimulating spiritually.
While I find this kind of experience rich and rewarding, someone else may not. Everyone is unique and different. So, proceed (or not) according to what is correct for you.
God bless you!
More of my favorites
Here is a selection of a few of my favorite spiritual songs. All of these songs were of great help to me during my agnostic/new-believer phase of my experience with God back in 2010-2012. If you would like to listen to any of them, just click the pictures to view the music videos on YouTube.
Most of these songs have some of what I call “LJ content”, which I would describe as content that supposes or suggests that Jesus is God. As I wrote in a previous article, my belief in God is strictly monotheistic. I do not believe that Jesus is God. I LOVE these songs though. They are beautiful and spiritual. When I hear something in them that is contrary to my belief, I am inspired to think more deeply into spiritual topics time and time again. Personally, I find the experience to be very healthy and stimulating spiritually.
While I find this kind of experience rich and rewarding, someone else may not. Everyone is unique and different. So, proceed (or not) according to what is correct for you.
God bless you!
Honesty
October 7, 2023, 9:00 pm
Everything else
Santi
So, you’ve heard a few stories about times when I was dishonest. Well, here are some examples of times when I was honest in situations where, if I had done otherwise, I would have had material gains. I don’t mean to be tooting my own horn. I just think it seems appropriate to share some of these stories too.
I don’t know the exact date of any of these examples. I do know, though, that all of them were during my six years of homelessness (Nov 2015 until Jan 2022).
These stories are much shorter than those in my last article. I suppose it’s because in these stories, I did the right and correct thing quickly, easily, without hesitation or internal conflict.
This first story is of a time when I went into the local library to use the restroom. While I was using the restroom, I was alone. As I was about to leave, I noticed an iPhone left on the counter by the sinks. On my way out I scooped it up, took it to the front desk, explained where I found it, and gave it to a library employee.
The next story is very similar. It was very late at night. I was hanging around outside a local restaurant after they’d closed for the day. I saw something sitting on the top of of a large planter near the street. I went over to investigate. I found the item to be a very new looking Android phone. I grabbed it, took it to a nearby open business, a hookah lounge, explained where I found it, and gave it to one of the employees.
This next story is also very similar. I was walking by a bowling alley behind the restaurant I mentioned previously. On my way past, I saw someone’s wallet sitting on a ledge near the front door. There were some people milling about the area, but they were all far enough away that I felt sure that if it belonged to any of them, they had surely forgotten about it. I figured that picking it up and wandering around asking people if it belonged to them might not be the best idea. So, picked it up and took it into the bowling alley. There, I found an employee, explained were I found it, and gave it to them.
This last story is different from the others. I had purchased some food items at a local Walmart and I was on my way somewhere else. Once I was outside the store, and probably an eighth of a mile away, I suddenly realized that I had not paid for a small box of strawberries that was among my purchases. I don’t remember how I managed to not pay for them, but I do remember what I did next. I went back to the store, walked in the front door and directly to the self-checkout section. I scanned the barcode and paid for the strawberries. I remember thinking that the employees might be a little confused if they observed me do this, but they didn’t seem to notice.
God bless you all!
Recent books read…
Currently reading: WarGames – by David Bischoff
SantiBooksTruthHonesty